Recognizing Our Children’s Emotions

Recognizing Our Children’s Emotions

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”
— Proverbs 4:23

Parents should help their children recognize, understand, and express their emotions appropriately. By teaching them to bring those emotions before God, we contribute to their emotional balance, spiritual maturity, and development of healthy behaviors.

Understanding Our Children’s Hearts

Ignoring emotions does not eliminate them; it only hides them. Helping children identify them enables them to better understand their inner world and develop greater balance.

Principle: What a child learns to recognize in his or her heart can begin to be understood; and what is understood can be learned to be handled wisely.

Bringing Emotions into God’s Presence

As parents, we should teach our children to bring their emotions before God, thus forming a faith that integrates mind, heart, and conduct.

Principle: Maturity does not consist of ceasing to feel, but of learning to understand what we feel and respond wisely before God.

Practical Application

Teaching Children to Name Their Emotions

Let us help our children identify whether they feel joy, sadness, fear, anger, or frustration. Naming an emotion correctly makes it easier to understand what is happening within and to learn progressively how to handle it.

Practical example: An eight-year-old boy returns from school, throws down his backpack, and shuts himself in his room. His mother notices his behavior and, instead of immediately reprimanding him, approaches him and asks, “Son, are you angry, sad, or worried about something?”

The boy replies, “I am sad because my classmates did not want to play with me.”

His mother tells him, “I understand that you feel sad when you are excluded. Thank you for telling me what happened. We can talk about how to face that situation.”

Teaching: The child learns to distinguish sadness from anger, identify the cause of his feelings, and express them with words instead of impulsive behavior.

Biblical principle: Proverbs 4:23 teaches the importance of guarding the heart, which includes paying attention to our inner world.

Listening to the Emotion Before Correcting the Behavior

When an inappropriate reaction occurs, let us first seek to discover what the child is feeling. Understanding the emotion does not justify the behavior; it provides the information needed to guide and correct with greater wisdom.

Practical example: A fourteen-year-old girl responds disrespectfully to her father when he asks her to help with household responsibilities. Instead of reacting immediately by shouting, her father asks, “Daughter, I have noticed that you are very upset. Is something wrong?”

She replies, “I am frustrated because I feel that I am always being asked to do things and no one recognizes my efforts.”

Her father answers, “I understand that you feel frustrated, and I want to hear what you think. However, being upset does not justify speaking to me disrespectfully. We can talk and find a solution without hurting one another.” Later, they review the family responsibilities together and agree on respectful ways to communicate.

Teaching: The teenager understands that her emotions are legitimate, but that she must take responsibility for her behavior. She learns that she can express her disagreements without resorting to aggression.

Biblical principle: James 1:19 exhorts us to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.

Teaching Them to Talk with God About What They Feel

Let us include emotions in family prayer. Let us teach our children that they can honestly tell God how they feel, ask for wisdom, and allow his Word to guide their responses.

Practical example: A sixteen-year-old boy is worried because he received poor grades and fears disappointing his parents. His mother notices his concern and asks, “Son, what are you feeling about the results of your exams?”

He replies, “I am afraid of failing and of you being disappointed in me.”

His mother tells him, “I understand your concern. Your grades need to improve, but our love for you does not depend on your results. Let us bring this situation before God, and then we will make a plan to improve your studies.”

Together they pray:

“Lord, we acknowledge our fear and concern. Give us calm, wisdom, and responsibility to face this difficulty. Help us trust in you and do what is our responsibility. Amen.”

After praying, mother and son identify the academic difficulties and establish study schedules and follow-up methods.

Teaching: The teenager understands that he can bring his emotions before God without hiding them, and that spiritual trust must be accompanied by responsible decisions and concrete actions.

Biblical principle: Psalm 62:8 invites us to trust in God and pour out our hearts before him.

Conclusions

1. Emotions are part of the inner world that needs to be cared for. Proverbs 4:23 reminds us of the importance of the heart, because fundamental dimensions of our lives flow from it.
2. Recognizing an emotion does not mean allowing it to govern our behavior. Emotional formation helps a child identify what he or she feels, understand it, and then choose an appropriate response.
3. Spiritual formation must also include the emotional world. Parents have the opportunity to teach their children to bring before God what is happening in their hearts.
4. “We cannot teach our children to govern their hearts wisely if we do not first teach them to recognize what is happening within them.”